this one is for you, my mummy and daddy.

Just taking a minute out of my life to write you both a little something from my heart. I hope you like it.

So, I really miss you. That is the first thing. I really really want you here with me again. I can go on and on and on about it through this blog, but I don’t want to. I want to focus on the memories I have had with you both and the laughs and the smiles that we all shared as the Swan family.

Lets go back years and years ago.. where I was born. In Great Yarmouth. Where for many and many years I went with both you mum and dad. Stayed in the legendary ‘Green Farm.’ For most of the years before you left mummy we stayed in their caravans, but then shortly before you left us dad got himself a caravan and we stayed in there. It was small and horrible, but dad loved it. I remember once we went to Devon with my friend and he stole loads of knives, forks and the menu for the Little Chef restaurant it was so funny  – and for once he did not complain, which is a miracle.

Normally my dad would complain about anything. I mean even if it was a 5* restaurant he still would complain. He made me embarrassed and sometimes he would do it because he knew it would annoy me, stupid man. It was a little earner on the side though. He must have received about £1000 in vouchers for many outlets, including Mcdonald’s, Madam Tussards group and Haven hoildays. Oh the joy to have a fussy dad. When we was by the coast we used to in the arcades a lot and I did become a little gambler, but was good at it. Sometimes we lost, but when he won we would have a feast and lots of ice-cream by the sea, it was very very fun. My mum on the other hand would be on the 2p machine winning little ordainments that she collected over the years, I still have hundreds at the flat which I can’t wait to display for her.

Over the years my mum and dad did have their falling outs but they were in love completely. Being young you don’t really think this is a good thing and think its YUCKK, but it was beautiful looking back. They were perfect for each other, and it is nice to know that they are together again creating more memories with each other, which I know they both would have wanted. Especially my dad, as he did not have her around for 4 years. Bless him.

Birthdays were another great thing that we shared all together. Birthdays and christmas were the times we spent together as a family. We did not go out, we stayed in and made sure everyone was having the best time. I remember a christmas where my mum brought me and my brother a ps2 (oldd skool) and it was the best thing ever. Another year I remember my mum and dad buying me my first Mckensie tracksuit which I wanted for ages.. as my brother always got his clothes from JD and I never was allowed coz they were too expensive. It was so good, I cried. I was only 10. Don’t judge. I used to make cakes for my mum and dad and used to make them breakfast in bed and slept in with them and cuddled them all day. Oh I miss them times so badly.

When my mum passed, I spent all my time with my dad. I made sure I never ever ever let a second pass. I literally did everything for him, I tried my hardest in school and got good results to make him proud. I believe that he was and probably will be proud of me coping and going to uni, although I am struggling. But sometimes you can give it your all and it still is not enough, but you can’t keep thinking of what you could have done and just think about what you did, coz that is what matters.

For now, I will leave you to fall asleep and have sweet dreams mum and dad.

Don’t worry about anything, I’ll be fine.

Love you forever and ever. Your daughter. X

 

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