Last night was a struggle to sleep through to say the least, reliving each hour like it was that night in 2010. I woke up tired and upset, but as I opened my eyes slowly, the sunshine began to appear, and suddenly I realised the day, which I have been dreading this year, has come round again for the 3rd year.
At least I had someone there this morning to give me hugs and assure me I am okay, but not the face that I dreamt of being by my side, but at least I wasn’t alone.
I wish I could get distracted, but the only thing that I can think about is what happened on this day and of course, the most incredible man, my dad.
Memories of holidays to Great Yarmouth, Blackpool and Cornwall, to name a few, literally were highlights of my years. Was a privilege to go, and although my dad didn’t have a lot of money, he still did it to make us happy. Sundays were our day to spend together, in bed having breakfast, I just loved spending time with him.
I never thought these would stop, especially at the age 17.
Really did think that over the years it would get easier, but actually it has got harder. I mean I wish I could get to the point where actually I can wake up and look forward to what the day has for me, instead of hiding Under the covers.
When I see my friends and family who still have their mums, dad, or both, I am so envious of this. Honestly. I wish I had that, and for me that is only a dream I can rely on, although I know that I will never have mine back, I still hope they would walk through the door. I mean people need to realise these figures of mums and dads are blessings, miracles even. They provide for you, help you whenever you need them and are there for you. I know this too well, and most times I took this for granted, I just really hope they realise I appreciated them to bits, although now it is a little too late. So, please, cherish your parents, your family, I mean they made you, without them, you wouldn’t be here.
The day ahead is looking like the traditional one. Stay in bed, reflect on the memories I had, and go and visit my mum and dada at their new home. I wish it wasn’t outside, they must be freezing, but they are together so they will stay warm.
To finish, one thing that I am so thankful of is they are together. I mean my dad was heartbroken when she went and no matter how much he loved his jojo, dan and tigger, he needed the love of his life, my mum. So, in a way I am glad and happy that they are at peace with each other.
I just wish that we could all be together and be happy as a family.
Now just got my dad’s birthday, my mum’s anniversary, Christmas and New Year’s Eve to come, and then do it all over again next year.
Click here for the hardest blog post I have written, surrounding the events of 8th December 2010.