Happy Birthday Mum

To Mum,

I’ll start of by saying; HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I really hope you have a lovely day with Dad, I just wish we were altogether as a family celebrating it with you. People say that ‘times a healer’ and I do agree, but it seems it has only got harder.

This is the 8th Birthday without you, but it stills feels like the first one back in 2007. I mean I just want to give you presents and spoil you, and most importantly, see your face. It is hard to admit, but sometimes, I forget your face because it has been such a long time, but don’t worry I look at your beautiful photos everyday, so my mind is refreshed instantly.

It really isn’t fair at all. I should be looking at you, not looking at a photo. I should be making more memories with you, not looking back on them and missing them. I just want the littlest things; a hug, a kiss, brush my hair, cook me dinner, which to be honest a lot of people take for granted. I just don’t want to feel alone. I wanna feel loved again. I want to go to a place I call home, not just an empty, cold flat, with no-one to greet me when I come home. It has been horrible.

The pain still hits me like a tonne of bricks each day. At first loosing you was the hardest thing in my life, and then a few years later, Dad joins you. I mean, knowing that I have to live through the day without you and dad is impossible at times. Sometimes I ask myself why me, did I really deserve this? No, I didn’t. There are murderers, rapists and other sick people out there and they still have their parents, that can’t be fair, can it? It really just make me annoyed with this unjust world I live in.

People say that I will see you again, but to be honest, is this actually true? I mean, I would love that 100%, but it seems quite unlikely. Maybe I’m just being pessimistic, so sorry. If it is true I just can’t wait for that day, it would be the happiness day of my life and I really do look forward to it.

Until then, all I can say is that everyone here misses you and wants you home. We love you and we will never forget you and the memories we all shared.

Love you, my angel X

mummiez and me

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