I wish you was both here. I know it is only going to get tougher in this month, but hearing from people I haven’t heard from in ages was my highlight today. I also went to counselling which was a scary thing for me, I have already put off workshop treatment for about a year now, but I finally feel like I need to go, especially this month. It went well. Of course, it was session one so it isn’t going to work straight away, but I mean anything that will help – I will give it a go. I didn’t speak throughout the session, and I don’t feel like I should have. I was very anxious in going to the counselling in the first place, but the people there were very lovely. I learnt some breathing exercises to cope with my flashbacks and memories and I hope I can put them in to practice this week. Although for a lot of people this doesn’t seem to be a big deal, but because I was so stressed and worried about it, it really did knock everything out of me, I am so exhausted right now. No rest for the wicked though – I have deadlines coming up, so today in my free time I have been doing reading and essay work, so least it didn’t effect me too much.
Here are a few things I miss the most about you both:
- I miss laughing. I mean proper laughing, without any stress any worries, just in that moment of complete and utter happiness.
- I miss being a family and having meals around a table and telling each other about our day.
- I miss going on long car journeys, even to Tesco or to Asda, and getting treated with ice cream or chocolate.
- I miss being able to ring you any time I want and tell you about my dramas.
- I miss coming home to you and getting a hug when I come in.
- I miss when you called me, and I thought it was annoying, but actually it is because you cared so much.
- I miss when I could ask you for anything without feeling bad about it.
- I miss treating you on your birthdays and on father and mother’s day.
- I miss having you there on my birthday and opening presents and cards together.
- I miss going on holiday and spending hours and hours in the arcade.
- I miss singing and performing in front of you and you pretending that I’m a superstar.
- I miss watching boring programmes like Time Team and just mocking it while you watch it.
- I miss nagging you to play card games with me and monopoly on Christmas morning.
- I miss coming into your bed on Sunday mornings for breakfast in bed.
- I miss racing home from school and telling you my latest grades and showing you my work.
- I miss I could take back everything I did that hurt you.
- I miss talking about you.
- I miss your voice.
- I miss you.
Today has been rough. I love you both x