All I want for Christmas is you, Mum and Dad: Day eight

Four years ago today is when I lost my bestfriend, my dad. It is very difficult to get through and at times I find it hard to come to terms with it. Why does most people have their parents? Why I can’t I be the same?

It’s a fact of life that you die at the end, but I mean having both my parents die at such a young age is really unfortunate but also very frustrating. I do not understand why and what for? Some people say it was their time to go, or God needed them, but I needed them and their time wasn’t then, they had many years to go. So many other people out there who live bad lives still have their parents around, why? Life is so unfair.

Being so young I didn’t really get a chance to have a grown up conversation about life and the future. My dad always said he would decorate my place when I got it and that was something I looked forward to, but now it is just a dream I wish would come true. You know what is the most funny thing is, I feel so numb and it still feels like another person’s life four years down the line. Today is the day I feel most lost without them and a day that I wish never happened. Finding my dad that morning makes me physically sick and something which will never leave my brain.

So, how am I coping? I am just taking every step as it comes, every knock back, every heartbreak, every tear, I will embrace them as they will lead me to the next best thing. Getting through each day without no mum and dad is torture. I would love to be able to go to them for a hug or a chat, just little things, that I used to take for granted. I mean there is no point thinking about the ifs and the buts because it wouldn’t of made me who I am today, and most importantly where I am today.

My dad was literally my role idol, inspiration and just the best person to be around. Although we did have our fights and arguments, we was sharing jelly babies again in no time. He was my lifeline, my companion, my everything and he kept me so strong when I wanted to give up. He made me laugh, smile, safe and he taught me to be the best I could have been. I am so lost without my best friend and I just want him here to look at all the brilliant things I am doing and just be there for me.

For everyone, I want you to keep all your loved ones close and do positive things and make them feel loved everyday. You are so lucky to have them and make sure you look after them and cherish every moment you have with them while you can. I’m so jealous of each of you who have their two angels around them, you are so lucky.

Goodnight, daddy.

The hardest post I have ever written about the events of 8th December 2010. Thanks for your support x


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