16 people you meet on The Tube

After having a long day the last thing you want to do is have your face in someone’s armpit or someone who will not turn their Celine Dion album down. I’m not sure if it is a blessing or just a tragedy having these people in the same carriage as you, or worse, sitting next to you.

16. The dying cat. Some random person coming on the tube with some sort of instrument, thinking that the tube is the 02 arena in disguise. Unfortunately, the crowd are more interested in their Suduko than to listen to your attempt to sing. Sit down.

15. The nice old couple. You will not meet nicer people than these. They sit next to you and smile while they hold hands and sit in silence. Sometimes, if you are lucky, they may even have a conversation with you, normally involving the weather.

14. The horrible old couple. I have come across a few of these, and of course everyone can be a bitch, but making excuses just because your old doesn’t make it O.K to be a bitch. Giving everyone evils and whining about people under your breath isn’t going to get you a seat.

13. The 9am drunk. When you are drunk everyone is your friend, but when you are sober a drunk person is NOT your friend. Downing suspicious looking drink in a black bag is not going to fool anyone.


12. Over excited tourists. Being in a different country is exciting, but when everyone on the tube is angry and tired, we don’t want really want to hear you talk about how great your time and your life is as you have just visited Big Ben.

12. The non-sharer. These people who think it is O.K to take up all of the arm-rest. Who are you? AND what the hell are you doing? Have one or the other, not both. I will fight you.

10. The clueless. These are the ones that don’t know what a tube is, better yet, don’t know where the hell they are going. Trying to make a call when you are UNDERGROUND isn’t going to work. Gotta love them

9. The sweaty man. How can you not know if your armpit is dripping with sweat. If you are sweaty and it is HOT try not to reach up and grab on to the highest rail! It is not pleasant and no-one will write to the Metro’s Rush-hour crush about you.

8. The gangsters. They find it funny to use the rails to do gymnastics in rush hour. Let me tell you, it isn’t funny. Also, we don’t want to hear N-Dubz blaring out loud.. go and update your iTunes.

7. The creep. There is always that one guy who thinks it’s fine to look at you for the whole of the HOUR journey and expect you not to get pissed off. At least hide your creepiness with sunglasses..

6. Over the top romantic couples. If you want to stick your tongue down each others throats please do it at home and not in front of MY BLOODY FACE.


5. Tube friend. This one person who understands your pain when you get pushed. You exchange eye rolling and smiles. This makes you realise they have your back 100%. So emotional when it’s time to say goodbye.

4. Choong ting. So obviously this is a rare one because most are mingerz, but having nice scenery to look at is always a bonus.

3. Make-up girl. Everyone is fascinated watching that one woman who woke up so late that she couldn’t do her make-up.

2. Person who don’t understand the meaning of PERSONAL SPACE. This person thinks they can push you just because they have been up for the past 12 hours. Go to bed.

1. Me. The only normal person who your’ll ever meet on the tube.


How to avoid people sitting next to you on a bus

When you get on a bus it is nice to get two seats for yourself just to relax and ‘enjoy’ the views and the journey. The last thing you want when you have had a shitty day is for some person to sit next to you, even worse, if they are drunk, smell or take up most of the seat, so you are pushed against the window. So baring this in mind and from my personal experience, I have put into practice some things that make people not sit next to me.

1) The bag trick

I know most people will not have a bag on them, which I get, even just an arm or a hand will do.. Just put your bag on the seat next to you and when people do see it, chances are they can’t be bothered to tell you to ‘move your bag.’ This doesn’t work always, as sometimes people just attempt to take a seat when your bag is there without saying anything, because obviously they can’t see my big bag next to me. Idiots.

2) Block out the world with headphones

Chances are you will listen to music on transport, I mean you kinda need something to block out the school children shouting like crazy on the bus or some gangster at the back of the bus playing ‘Bedrock.’ Even if you have no music or your phone has died, still put them in anyway. I mean no-one wants to do weird hand signals to get your attention to move up a seat for them. Only weird or drunk people do this anyways, which are normally found on night buses..

3) Pretend your asleep

I know it isn’t the most flattering look, but sometimes pretending your asleep will make people walk past, especially if you are dribbling, and also they don’t want to wake you from your dreams about ponies and puppies (aww.) If they do, then just casually rest your head on their shoulder and I’m sure they will be put off by you and move seats.

4) Catch a cold

For me, when people sneeze or cough next to me on a bus I feel like I’m dying straight away and their germs are invading my body. I know it will not be good in the long run, but just catch a cold, so when you are on a bus you can start sneezing and coughing and you get the space you need. flu


5) Eye contact

As soon as someone comes near you try and give them a look, could be anything, but something which will make them think they are a freak. Maybe a twitch or a wink would do.

Of course if someone is pregnant, old or a choongting then obviously the above doesn’t matter.