All I want for Christmas is you, Mum and Dad: Day three

I wish you was both here. I know it is only going to get tougher in this month, but hearing from people I haven’t heard from in ages was my highlight today. I also went to counselling which was a scary thing for me, I have already put off workshop treatment for about a year now, but I finally feel like I need to go, especially this month. It went well. Of course, it was session one so it isn’t going to work straight away, but I mean anything that will help – I will give it a go. I didn’t speak throughout the session, and I don’t feel like I should have. I was very anxious in going to the counselling in the first place, but the people there were very lovely. I learnt some breathing exercises to cope with my flashbacks and memories and I hope I can put them in to practice this week. Although for a lot of people this doesn’t seem to be a big deal, but because I was so stressed and worried about it, it really did knock everything out of me, I am so exhausted right now. No rest for the wicked though – I have deadlines coming up, so today in my free time I have been doing reading and essay work, so least it didn’t effect me too much.

Here are a few things I miss the most about you both:

  • I miss laughing. I mean proper laughing, without any stress any worries, just in that moment of complete and utter happiness.
  • I miss being a family and having meals around a table and telling each other about our day.
  • I miss going on long car journeys, even to Tesco or to Asda, and getting treated with ice cream or chocolate.
  • I miss being able to ring you any time I want and tell you about my dramas.
  • I miss coming home to you and getting a hug when I come in.
  • I miss when you called me, and I thought it was annoying, but actually it is because you cared so much.
  • I miss when I could ask you for anything without feeling bad about it.
  • I miss treating you on your birthdays and on father and mother’s day.
  • I miss having you there on my birthday and opening presents and cards together.
  • I miss going on holiday and spending hours and hours in the arcade.
  • I miss singing and performing in front of you and you pretending that I’m a superstar.
  • I miss watching boring programmes like Time Team and just mocking it while you watch it.
  • I miss nagging you to play card games with me and monopoly on Christmas morning.
  • I miss coming into your bed on Sunday mornings for breakfast in bed.
  • I miss racing home from school and telling you my latest grades and showing you my work.
  • I miss I could take back everything I did that hurt you.
  • I miss talking about you.
  • I miss your voice.
  • I miss you.

Today has been rough. I love you both x


All I want for Christmas is you, Mum and Dad

From yesterday’s blog, I told you that December is a hard month for me and I was thinking today and last night that instead of it affecting me I would embrace it. So for the next 25 days until Christmas day I will be sharing some thoughts and some of my favourite memories of my Mum and Dad, so it feels like they are still here with me.

So here are a list of things which made today successful:

  • I had my first proper exam of final year at University, and it went really well. Despite the fact that it’s now December, I remained positive and I stayed calm and did the best that I could have done.
  • Sleep is definitely not for the weak. I felt so refreshed this morning and it really makes a difference to my day. I am still up and productive and it is nearly midnight.
  • My essay is due two weeks today and instead of worrying about and putting it off for another day I decided to make a start to it and although it’s not a crisp and final draft, I have nearly 1,000 words.
  • Plans for the new move in January are in motion, so hopefully a moving date will be on the cards soon.

So today marks the countdown to the first anniversary on the calendar, which is my Dad’s anniversary. So to honour him I will share one of my favourite memories that I shared with him, which is difficult as there have been so many!

daddy one

I remember when this photo was taken. It was in the back garden at my old house and I think I just got a new phone so I was taking photos of us together. After I lost my mum, I literally took photos whenever I could – even if it was stupid ones of him watching television. This photo literally sums up him and our relationship. We were so close and we would be silly together, yes he was my Dad, but he literally was my best friend. He never used to smile in photographs, he always used to pull faces, just like this one. When I did get a smile out of him, it was a rare occurrence. One of my favourite memories with him was on his last father’s day we shared together. I cooked him dinner and I got him the biggest card I have ever brought anyone and he loved it. I baked him a cake that turned out to be a disaster, but he still ate it. I think it was my favourite as it was the last father’s day I celebrated with him. For me, the hardest thing is that I only have photos to look at. No more memories will be shared. I think on important days and special occasions it is a hundred times more difficult as I want him to celebrate with me and see his reactions to my achievements. Although he is not here he guides me through each day and I am grateful that he’s my Dad.

10 things to do when interviewing your celebrity crush

There is always someone in the media that you think is attractive and most people just leave it as that, but some take it to the extreme and devote their life knowing everything they need to know about them and dedicate hours and hours watching Youtube videos instead of revising. Totally not me.

So when I realised that McBusted were coming to town this week I leaped at the chance to write an article for my student paper. When I realised I would be interviewing Matt Willis for my student paper, I couldn’t help dreaming about him being my best friend and shopping in Primark together and sharing a happy meal on a beach.

I tried to keep cool when I was speaking to him, but at the back of my mind I was screaming and I wanted to propose to him on the phone.. sadly I didn’t. I was so happy that he was down to earth and funny. He made me realise that I didn’t waste my teenage years dancing around my room to the Year 3000 and kissing posters of him every five minutes. (half true)

Here are 10 things that I have learnt and will take with me when I do my next interview with my top bae, Zac Efron.

10) Do not cry and go cray cray. So there were many moments that I could have rambled on about how much this moment meant to me, but I just got on with it. At the end of the day when it comes down to it they want to marry a sane normal person not a girl who crys down the phone. Remember that!

9) Tell them who you are. I was so caught up about asking him about his day and his time massaging horny old women in a salon that I completely forgot to tell him who I was and what my purpose was. He definitely trusted me too much.

8) Be clear. “His name is Joanna.” So for some reason he thought I was a man, don’t know why, but he did. So be confident and clear and show them whose boss… boys love that. Or do what I did and just laugh.

7) Do not slag off /girlfriends/wifes/side chicks. Although you are not sleeping by their side each night, doesn’t make it right to be rude about their other halves. No one likes a jealous bitch.

6) Kill them with kindness. Make sure you tell them you are a fan. They like the fact that you are interested in them and not just some journalist who has no interest in them and can’t spell their name right. Although I do think I made the right decision by not telling him my e-mail is still busted_fan0005…

5) Don’t tell them your life story. Yes you see them on the TV, but they are still a stranger. Don’t tell them where you live or about your boyfriend’s small penis, they don’t want to know. Saying that..

4).. Do give them your Twitter.. or phone number. I would go with the first. I am a bit upset I didn’t give him my Twitter to follow me, but he did manage to find my article and re-tweet it. So I’m well in there..

3) Do not daydream. If you want to share your thoughts tell them, make sure you pay attention to what they say and that you have good responses and not just “Hmm.” “Yeah.” “Cool.”

2) Flirt. I’m not very good at this, so after 20 minutes talking I then said “Oh so I’m coming to see you at the tour next year, will I see you there?” Poor attempt. I’ll go back to the drawing board..

1) Laugh and enjoy it. I mean just treat them like one of your mates… just make sure you breath.

Things that annoy me.

Just thought to pass the time I will share you some things in this world which makes me want to stab my eyes out with a pen… (just to let you know, I have already lost one during my life..) JK.

Anyways, lets get on with the list..

  1. The cold. In particular the wind. I hate being cold. My house is cold enough without me having to go outside in the blizzard and freezing my NUT off. Literally hate it. Especially when you have done your hair and it is all f*cked up as soon as you step out for 2 seconds. OMG. #fml
  2. Fangirls. In particular Bielebers, or however you motherf*ckin’ spell it. I don’t care. I hate them. They go on about the same thing over and over again; ‘how amazing they are’ ‘how gorgeous they are’ when they aren’t and they keep going on and you just want them to go away. IDIOT. Just stop. All of you go in a room and never come out.
  3. Leading on from that point… JUSTIN BIEBER. I am not going into it, because EVERYONE knows why he is an idiot already.
  4. Awkward people. When you meet someone for the first time in particular and thy are so awkward that they just sit there and say nothing and when you try and talk about something they literally give one liners. GET A GRIP AND EXPLORE PEOPLE.
  5. Requests from FARMVILLE and all these other games on Facebook. Look people if I wanted to play these games I would have already, besides I have a life so shh.
  6. 12 year olds these days. OMG. Do I have to even explain these. They think they are cool because they have their BBM and their Nike Airforces, but can’t put a sentence together. Aww what a shame. F*ck off now.
  7. Oyster cards. I don’t get them. They are blue and is a bus pass. Why do they call it that? Besides I have lost around 20 cards in the past and also the cost is annoying – £1.40!!!!!
  8. Telephone boxes. They always nick my money, and it is not a joke anymore. I hope you get extinct.
  9. Spots. They always come out when I have somewhere to go, but as soon as I have a bed day or a day off, I can see nothing!! All clear.
  10. The word ass and crack. I do not like them words they really make me cringe, especially when used together. EW.
  11. Cats. They stare at you when you walk past, well at me anyways, coz I think they know that I hate them. Sorry cat lovers, it is a NO from me.
  12. Over religious people who talk about God, church and all the rest of it. Look, I do not believe in anything and that is my choice. I respect your views, but don’t talk to me about it.  I am not going to convert.
  13. Toaster burning my toast. Especially when I have to get somewhere quickly. I am not happy.
  14. Bus drivers driving away as soon as you get to the door. Enough said – too many embarrassing stories to tell.
  15. Rugby on at Twickenham. I literally live down the road, and when there is a match it is too busy and I hate it. The people are twats. Transport is slow – just for this stupid sport. Go away.
  16. Couples who feel the need to tell the whole world that they are together. Look we know you are going out and we know you are in love with each other and been going out for the past 3 months, 2 weeks, 1 day and 7 and a half hours. WE DON’T CARE. Don’t you get it. Stop posting photos of you and your partner kissing or half naked in bed. ITS DISGUSTING. Just be normal… gosh.
  17. Swallowing my tongue ball. Whoever has their tongue pierced will understand. Especially when you have no bar with you. So annoying. Feels weird when it is not in.
  18. Having your keys at the bottom of the bag. You put them somewhere safe in your bag, but they are always on the bottom. That is so annoying.
  19. Elderly people thinking they are bossmans when they get on public transport. DO NOT GET ME WRONG, we should all respect elderly people, but sometimes they do not respect us and think it’s okay to force themselves on our seats.
  20. People eating horrible stinky food on transport. Yeah, this is horrible. Makes me feel sick andI do not like it.. (Most of my hates does surround transport.. I have just realised)
  21. Having only one more video you can watch on porn sites. So annoying when you need to bash one out.
  22. Not turning your alarm off and it goes on when you can sleep in. Has happened all the time, my advice is to MAKE SURE YOU TURN IT OFF. Also it annoys me when the alarm goes off when it has to as well.
  23. Last orders. You are getting into the night and the bell rings, why do they want to spoil our night! It is not fair, we want to come and party and bull. Let us.
  24. Rising prices in Mcdonalds. This goes to the Happy Meal in particular. Literally was £1.99 now they are nearly £2.50 not happy. The portion sizes are still the same and besides the toys are not getting better.
  25. Chipped nail varnish. It is annoying when your nail varnish goes crap. It is horrible. You have to paint them again and that is hassle.
  26. Having a left hand. I mean I do not use it a lot, only for  certain things, but it always gets in my way when I am sleeping and I lay on it.
  27. Being tired when you are not in your bed. I just want my bed, nothing else. Windows, benches and sits are not places where I can be comfortable and fall asleep.
  28. People having a bigger portion of food than you. When you go out and you order the same thing, but the other people get more food. It is not fair. Especially in Nandos, normally I just nick their food. Its good.
  29. Only iTunes can be used with Apple products. This just is frustrating if I have paid for the music then just let me download it on anything I want.
  30. Growing old. Decided to end it on something which I wish never happened. Miss all the things I did when I was younger, and just not having to do anything.

Well that was fun, feel less stressed now!