My reaction to Fifty Shades of Grey

Although I was slow at jumping on the Mr Grey hype in 2011, I certainly couldn’t wait when I heard it was being turned into a movie and the countdown begun six months previously, on my 21st birthday (what a treat… I thought). So for months, there has been two trailers and loads of pictures and clips from the film which has made the wait for the 13th February drag out even longer, but now after watching the film, Mr Grey can do one, as he will definitely not be seeing me now.

So as like many other women and men in the world I gave into the temptation and read Fifty shades of Grey a few years ago and it was the fastest book I had ever read and for that reason I was proud that it got me back into reading.. even if it was about about a man who wanted to get a girl, who was a virgin, into S&M… how romantic.

When reading books your imagination takes over and in the Fifty Shades of Grey series, I had a clear image of what Mr Grey and all the other characters looked like. So when the rumours about the film came out along with who was going to play Mr Grey started, I instantly knew it wasn’t going to live up to expectations and I was right. Actor, Jamie Dornan, got the part. I am not saying he isn’t good looking and he isn’t nice to look at, HE IS, but he has no chemistry and he isn’t as controlling and dominant as Mr Grey should be, and because of this reason I sometimes thought that when I was watching the film I was watching a paradoy as there was no sexual ambience in the air, just a few touches with a feather and a mop-like sex toy, which just made the whole scene so awkward and just a joke really. It was added by Lion King style background music (when Simba was born).. I was in tears.

For the girls, I have some further bad news, we do not see Christian fully naked, annoyingly as we see Anastasia’s breasts for about 95% of the time.. so boring. One other question, why does she never wear a bra!? So unrealistic. Oh and them jeans that she absolutely loves, which he wears in the red room, well they ain’t doing nothing for me. He looked like he just did a M.O.T on a car at the garage..

Anastasia, on the other hand, fitted the bill as I just wanted to slap her and tell her to stop asking so many questions. She couldn’t flirt for shiz and she got too excited, too quickly.. over nothing. The way she tried to tease him with her lip biting and by putting the Grey pencil near her mouth was just painful to watch.

The whole concept of the relationship he wants with Anastasia is still very confusing to me. In the book I thought the way he pursued her was quite romantic, (like who wouldn’t accept a beautiful car and a new laptop) but in the film he just seemed like this psycho stalker who was buying cables ties in the shop she worked in and then took her to his playroom (not even to play GTA) and then punished her and left her crying and later leaving. I mean the punishment I can’t get my head around and the film really made it more horrific than it should have been. The safe words ‘Red’ and ‘Yellow’  reminded me of the rainbow song which I learnt as an innocent child.. oh what lovely memories I now how with it.

The story really didn’t need any other characters, as most only had about two lines. I didn’t feel a connection with any of the characters like I did in the book and we didn’t even meet Ms Robinson (Elena) who is a vital character in the book and the reason why Mr Grey is so…so Grey. Also Grey’s housekeeper, Ms Jones: who is going to make all the pancakes now?

I am glad I have seen the film, but only because I can say how bad it is to people. S&M has never looked more unattractive. As Mr Grey said, it is definitely fifty shades of fucked up!

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The day I hate has come, 8th December

Last night was a struggle to sleep through to say the least, reliving each hour like it was that night in 2010. I woke up tired and upset, but as I opened my eyes slowly, the sunshine began to appear, and suddenly I realised the day, which I have been dreading this year, has come round again for the 3rd year.

At least I had someone there this morning to give me hugs and assure me I am okay, but not the face that I dreamt of being by my side, but at least I wasn’t alone.

I wish I could get distracted, but the only thing that I can think about is what happened on this day and of course, the most incredible man, my dad.

Memories of holidays to Great Yarmouth, Blackpool and Cornwall, to name a few, literally were highlights of my years. Was a privilege to go, and although my dad didn’t have a lot of money, he still did it to make us happy. Sundays were our day to spend together, in bed having breakfast, I just loved spending time with him.

I never thought these would stop, especially at the age 17.

Really did think that over the years it would get easier, but actually it has got harder. I mean I wish I could get to the point where actually I can wake up and look forward to what the day has for me, instead of hiding Under the covers.

When I see my friends and family who still have their mums, dad, or both, I am so envious of this. Honestly. I wish I had that, and for me that is only a dream I can rely on, although I know that I will never have mine back, I still hope they would walk through the door. I mean people need to realise these figures of mums and dads are blessings, miracles even. They provide for you, help you whenever you need them and are there for you. I know this too well, and most times I took this for granted, I just really hope they realise I appreciated them to bits, although now it is a little too late. So, please, cherish your parents, your family, I mean they made you, without them, you wouldn’t be here.

The day ahead is looking like the traditional one. Stay in bed, reflect on the memories I had, and go and visit my mum and dada at their new home. I wish it wasn’t outside, they must be freezing, but they are together so they will stay warm.

To finish, one thing that I am so thankful of is they are together. I mean my dad was heartbroken when she went and no matter how much he loved his jojo, dan and tigger, he needed the love of his life, my mum. So, in a way I am glad and happy that they are at peace with each other.

I just wish that we could all be together and be happy as a family.

Now just got my dad’s birthday, my mum’s anniversary, Christmas and New Year’s Eve to come, and then do it all over again next year.

Click here for the hardest blog post I have written, surrounding the events of 8th December 2010.

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Glastonbury 2013

In June thousands of people travel to a little village in Somerset to be amazed by live acts from the biggest names in the music industry, and they were not disappointed.

I was one of the lucky ones to be able to get the gold dust tickets on that cold day in October. That seems a blur now, but what replaces it is 5 packed days of fun at the festival.

Firstly, getting there was a nightmare. I mean Victoria Coach Station (Victoria, London) certainly was not prepared. I mean there were queues and queues of people waiting for coaches and being delayed for around an hour definitely was not good, especially when you have your home and your entire life on your back to live of for the next few days.

The hours past and excitement took over, so we were there in no time at all. The blazing sun made all our bodies soaked in sweat was not good when searching miles and miles of field for a good pitch for our tents. Also, seeing as queues for showers were hours, the outcome was we stunk for days. Beautiful.

As a girl, I got to say that I really do not like camping. I think I knew that before, but realised how much I hated it when I actually got there. I mean you have no space in your tent and it is scorching hot in the day and in the evening it is freezing cold, you can’t win! There were times when I wanted to pack up shop and head back to London, but my heart always told me to stay. I’m glad I listened as I had moments I will not forget.

The acts did not start until Friday, I mean the major acts. This year we was quite lucky to have The Arctic Monkeys, The Rolling Stones and Mumford and Sons as headliners. Pretty good value for money, if you ask me. To top it off we pitched literally 100 metres from the Pyramid Stage (where all the main acts played) so if we wanted to we could fall asleep to the sounds of Mick Jagger and crew.

I bet a lot of people reading would want to ask Who was the best live act you saw? and A LOT of people would say The Rolling Stones.. I would love to agree, but I didn’t even go to see them. People could say I’m mad, others would say sensible. My reason is I wanted to see something that I enjoy, therefore I went to see Chase and Status as they are more my cup of Earl Grey, if you get my drift – and for that reason they were my favourite. Check them out on BBC IPLAYER and see if you can spot me in the crowds.

Yes, the food you there was not on the luxury side, but still has the expensive pricetag, but tastes worse than McDonalds, but the people you share amazing experiences with and the music drowning all of us in goodness. I can say that Glastonbury is definitely somewhere I would recommended to everyone and obviously go again.

Oh and just to clear up, I know there was some documentaries about the festival being ‘crazy’ and everyone is ‘high’ not just of the music.. but it really isn’t. Yeah you walk through and can smell weed and goodness knows what, but people are there to enjoy it so let them be whoever they want to.

Here are some pictures courtesy of me, enjoy.

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Race for life – my story

Just taking a break from Candy Crush (which does not happen often, as I am addicted) to write a blog post about something which affects my day to day life.

5 letters. 4 everyone. 3 consonants. 2 vowels. 1 tragic event. Yes, death. It is a subject tend to be avoided because it normally brings the mood down and results in tears, but sometimes it is a conversation which is needed to avoid bottling it all in.. which I am going to do in a few moments.

Being a kid I never thought about death, well who does. I mean you are in school having fun and the biggest worry for you is getting home on time to watch your favourite programme. I mean for me I was covered in cotton bud throughout my younger years, which is fine, it made me have the best childhood I could ask for, but yet again when the worst came, which did happen for me, then I believe it made everything a whole lot worse.

I was in my last year of primary school, aged 11. I was looking forward to secondary school. I had a beautiful mum and dad, brother and my first family pet, Tigger the dog. Things could not be better. I came 4th in the regional Irish Dancing contest for my age and I started grading for Piano. I had everything I could ever want and dream of. Christmas of 2004 past, and the new year started. It was a great Christmas, all I ever asked for was my family to be happy and together, which did happen. Everything seemed to be going well, I got into a good Secondary school and my parents were proud of me, I thought nothing could stop this high. Unfortunately, the new year brought this high to a stop one January morning..

I was in my bedroom probably playing with barbie dolls when my dad called me into my Mum’s room. She was in bed, which I thought was normal as it was a Sunday morning, so I thought she was having a lie in. All my family were in the room with her, I just thought they wanted me to do a chore , but as soon as I walked into the room I knew something was not right at all. My mum’s face said it all. I sat down next to her and demanded to know what was going on. It took them a few minutes to announce the shocking news which tore my world apart. “I have cancer.”

Cancer? I never really understood the term Cancer, it wasn’t really educated like it is nowadays. I thought it was a cold or something, but then I realised it was more serious than that. I ran into my room and broke down in tears cuddling my favourite teddy bears. I did not want to know anymore. I locked myself in my room and just hoped this was all a big dream. I waited for the news to go, but it was still bright and clear. Later, I understood that all my family knew apart from me, which made me mad, but I suppose they wanted me to have a good Christmas, which would be the last as a whole family, so for that I  am forever grateful.

So then I changed my whole persona. I mean from that night I started to pray, mostly for my mum and then for my family. Each night without fail I would go by my window and prayed to God that everything will be okay, as I thought if I was good and prayed then everything would be okay. I thought it would  make my family happy again.

Months past and my mum had her good days and her bad days, but she would always be the best mum I could ever ask for. When her hair started to fall out it broke her heart. She always wanted long hair, just like mine, so I know it was hard for her to get through. In no time at all, she embraced it and decided to wear wigs, which actually looked like her normal hairstyle. It was like my mum was her normal self again; fit and well. I also used to wear a wig out with her so she did not feel upset or paranoid and she loved it. We used to joke around about it because mine had a bandanna and purple plaits and I looked like a rock star. I did everything that made her feel a little happier so she did not think about the big ‘C’, even if it was for a second.

The treatment got more powerful and made her unwell and some days she could not even get out of bed, which at first was hard for me to understand, but I knew this meant it was working and for me I thought it meant that she was getting better. I would go with her to Charing Cross Hospital for hours whilst she had Chemotherapy for the entire day, it was horrible seeing all these things go into her body. I stayed strong for her and take our minds of it by doing crosswords and having lunch with her. All the family helped, and at that point she really did realise how much she was loved, which was the best thing of all.

This process lasted a year or so, but by the end of the dose, it was decided that she would have her breast removed – a big step for a woman, but she did not hesitate and went for surgery. After recovering in hospital for a few days she was home and things were getting better. Yes, there were times when I could hear her cry to my dad, but once she got a prosthetic breast she felt more confident and you could never tell that she had an operation. We went on holiday as a family and she was going outside a lot more and enjoying the sunshine, which she loved. It seemed like everything was getting better and she was getting back to herself again.. well that’s what I thought…

I was in my second year of secondary school and I was on my way home from school. You know when you get an instinct that something is not right, well I got this on that particular day. So, I decided to run home as fast as I could. When I reached the top of my road I saw an ambulance outside my house, I knew it was for my mum. As I got closer I saw her in the back of the van, she was so pale and the medics were around her giving her oxygen. Without any second to think I got into the van and went to the hospital with her. All I remember is holding her hand, but not looking at her because I did not want her to see my scared face. The blue lights started to come on, which for me meant it was serious, so I feared the worst. The medics said ‘She is having a fit.’ That phrase repeated through my mind until we got to the hospital. The medics rushed her off to Intensive Care. Hours went past and she was stable. I was so scared, I thought I would loose her right there, it was horrible.

To be honest, I can’t really remember the days after that, but all I know is that she was in hospital for a few weeks as they did tests. She got her results, and they were not good at all. The cancer had spread to her brain. The news we all feared the most. From that day I think we all knew deep down the end was near, but never really believed it.

It was 2006 now and I became a teenager, the big 1 – 3! My mum and dad allowed me to have my first proper birthday party. It was a disco, with food and my friends. It was perfect. The best thing of all was that my mum was there. We took loads of photos, which I still have today. Even though she was still ill she was smiling throughout and enjoyed the night. Although she had to go home towards the end as she was not feeling well, but still it was a night that I will never forget.

Summer came to winter and Christmas was just around the corner. I finished school and my mum and dad and me went Christmas shopping. After a few hours shopping my mum feel ill and was sick in a shop, so we decided to take her to hospital just to be on the safe side. I remember on the way to the hospital she was telling us not to tell anyone that she was going because she thought it was constipation. That was her last ever journey alive.

I did not really think it would be her last week on Earth, I generally thought she had a little stomach bug. They soon admitted her to a special ward and from then I knew it was not just a stomach bug. The last time I saw her was on Wednesday 20th December at around 12 before I went to see a friend in the afternoon, at my mother’s request. I remember talking to her in an Irish accent whilst me and her laughed. I gave her a hug. I can still feel how warm and hugable she was even now. My last words to her was “See you soon mum, I love you.’

That night my dad got a call from the hospital saying it was urgent and he must come down.  My dad persuaded me to my friends and have some fun and I can come to see her later. Later never happened, because my mum got the news that she had Leukaemia and it was the rarest type there was. The nurses said she will be in the hospital over Christmas to have treatment which will last 6 weeks, but they believed she would not even survive that night. So my dad called the vicar to say prayers with the rest of her family by her bedside. The nurses said she was affected by their presence as her blood pressure increased. Despite the doctors thoughts, she did survive the night, but this would be her final one.

On the 21st December she stopped taking fluids by a tube and her reactions slowed down. She stopped talking. I got told her eyes were still opened and she knew who was around her. I did not go up to see her, and I do not regret it, as I was very young, but I wish I did see her to say my last goodbye.

The following day I was at my friend’s house and I woke up at exactly 9:20am and I knew something had happened. That night I did not sleep at all, but I must of had a little bit of sleep as I felt awake. I did not hear any news from no-one until about 10:30 when my family came round  and I knew that was it. My mum had gone.

Later on I realised that my mum died at 9:20am, the same time I woke up, now explain that?

I am glad she is in a better place, singing in the clouds with the angels and not having to suffer any more and because of that only reason it makes me smile. I have become stronger and a more positive person due to this and I wanted to tell my story so that if it does happen to you, you can get through it. They would want you to carry on and be successful in all things. Make this the time to change and grab every opportunity and experience before it is too late.

Yes, I have not had a mum for most of my life and it is hard, but looking back I have become more independent and have achieved things even without her guidance. I have gone to University, finished school and college, and have grown up immensely. It keeps me going knowing that she is close by and always guidingme through each life event. Although she will not be here for the most important days of my life such as wedding, births and graduation, I know she is close to me. I will forever be honoured and proud of her and I’ll dedicate all my successes to her.

So it is only right that this year I have decided to do the Race for Life in honour of this amazing lady. Whoever did meet her or had the privilege to be close to her will realise how much of a fighter she was and an inspiration to everyone around her. I am truly proud to be an off-spring of this strong and beautiful woman. So to give a microscopic piece back to her I will be doing the race for life this year with some friends, not just for her, but for the many other people who had or are suffering from this horrible disease. A 5k jog, run or walk is nothing compared to what these women have to go through during this illness.

So please I hope this has inspired you to take part in the race for life, take part at http://www.raceforlife.org

Donate to us at  raceforlifesponsorme.org/piink-paradise :)

Thanks for reading <3

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Firstly, I must say I am terribly sorry about my long absence – had too much to sort out (and I have still not sorted everything out).

**NEWSFLASH**

I have broken my ankle, when I say broken I am not in a wheelchair, but I have to have these stupid sticks to hold you up (so you don’t put weight on your feet) called crutches and they make you have blisters on your hands, it is horrible. The story that goes with it is more entertaining though.

It all started on Halloween. Everything was good, I was a cat (MIAOW) and I was ready to go on the prowl. Being a cat I did not use my tiny brain, so when I stepped of the train I literally fell of the train. I was like a plank of wood when it falls, was not good. I feel literally through a group of people – so I know how to make a big entrance #win. I struggled to my feet, laughing it off, when really my ankle was FUCKING HURTING, I then staggered to a poster of the train map and hanged on to the top of it for around 5 minutes. Then I was ready to go out so I met the rest of the gang and got on the train. When I sat down that is when I really felt the pain, so therefore I could not go out as a cat. So no, EVERYONE DOES NOT WANT TO BE A CAT. Luckily for me some guy tagged along with us, lucky me, not so lucky for the girls who had to stick with him, and he brought my ticket. Wiphee. I then hopped home and ever since I have been house-ridden, and I can’t go anywhere. I can, but it will require me hopping along and struggling. For example a journey which would normally take around 15 minutes to walk, would take an hour. This is a real life example, which was proven the other day.

 

 

this one is for you, my mummy and daddy.

Just taking a minute out of my life to write you both a little something from my heart. I hope you like it.

So, I really miss you. That is the first thing. I really really want you here with me again. I can go on and on and on about it through this blog, but I don’t want to. I want to focus on the memories I have had with you both and the laughs and the smiles that we all shared as the Swan family.

Lets go back years and years ago.. where I was born. In Great Yarmouth. Where for many and many years I went with both you mum and dad. Stayed in the legendary ‘Green Farm.’ For most of the years before you left mummy we stayed in their caravans, but then shortly before you left us dad got himself a caravan and we stayed in there. It was small and horrible, but dad loved it. I remember once we went to Devon with my friend and he stole loads of knives, forks and the menu for the Little Chef restaurant it was so funny  – and for once he did not complain, which is a miracle.

Normally my dad would complain about anything. I mean even if it was a 5* restaurant he still would complain. He made me embarrassed and sometimes he would do it because he knew it would annoy me, stupid man. It was a little earner on the side though. He must have received about £1000 in vouchers for many outlets, including Mcdonald’s, Madam Tussards group and Haven hoildays. Oh the joy to have a fussy dad. When we was by the coast we used to in the arcades a lot and I did become a little gambler, but was good at it. Sometimes we lost, but when he won we would have a feast and lots of ice-cream by the sea, it was very very fun. My mum on the other hand would be on the 2p machine winning little ordainments that she collected over the years, I still have hundreds at the flat which I can’t wait to display for her.

Over the years my mum and dad did have their falling outs but they were in love completely. Being young you don’t really think this is a good thing and think its YUCKK, but it was beautiful looking back. They were perfect for each other, and it is nice to know that they are together again creating more memories with each other, which I know they both would have wanted. Especially my dad, as he did not have her around for 4 years. Bless him.

Birthdays were another great thing that we shared all together. Birthdays and christmas were the times we spent together as a family. We did not go out, we stayed in and made sure everyone was having the best time. I remember a christmas where my mum brought me and my brother a ps2 (oldd skool) and it was the best thing ever. Another year I remember my mum and dad buying me my first Mckensie tracksuit which I wanted for ages.. as my brother always got his clothes from JD and I never was allowed coz they were too expensive. It was so good, I cried. I was only 10. Don’t judge. I used to make cakes for my mum and dad and used to make them breakfast in bed and slept in with them and cuddled them all day. Oh I miss them times so badly.

When my mum passed, I spent all my time with my dad. I made sure I never ever ever let a second pass. I literally did everything for him, I tried my hardest in school and got good results to make him proud. I believe that he was and probably will be proud of me coping and going to uni, although I am struggling. But sometimes you can give it your all and it still is not enough, but you can’t keep thinking of what you could have done and just think about what you did, coz that is what matters.

For now, I will leave you to fall asleep and have sweet dreams mum and dad.

Don’t worry about anything, I’ll be fine.

Love you forever and ever. Your daughter. X

 

we’re all going on a summer holiday

Hiya guys! Hope you are all well! :) I have had a packet of fruit pastilles and I am ready to type. 

Sorry for my little absence, been washing way too much clothes and eating the rest over of my birthday cake and now I can officially say I am used to being 19.. kind of, well what I mean is, is that I have finally brought myself round to actually saying the words: “I am 19.”

So today’s topic of conversation is BRITISH HOILDAYS! Just because I am going for a little getaway tomorrow till Thursday, and I can’t wait. I am more excited for these two days away than I was for Zante, and that was a HOT Greek Island.. although British is getting hot hot hot over the past week or so, so that be great. I am going to a little town called Great Yarmouth, which is to the South-East of Britain and I was born there.

(Great Yarmouth is on the Eastern edge of the ‘Eastern England’ section of the map for all you overseas people)

Every year since I can remember I have always been there on hoilday no matter what, mostly with family, but due to issues other the years that hasn’t been possible, but now the time has come to go back there again! I can’t wait to feel like the kid I was and just have no worries and sit by the sea for hours and hours and watch the sun go down and play for hours and hours in the arcades loosing so much money, but I didn’t care I had such a blast! I will get this lovely feeling again including all the memories that I had flooding back to me and it is all thanks to one amazing guy called Matt. I am so grateful and by far it is the best and perfect birthday present which I could ever ever ask for. There I  will be in my own little world and just have such a good time without caring if people think I am weird by going on the monkey-bars or just acting like an idiot with sand in my hair.

 

Really don’t know how I am going to sleep tonight, but I better start now – in this heat it will probably take me a few hours just to get settled.

So excited, I’ll keep you posted.

Jo X

 

 

PBD : Post-birthday depression

You got them mid-week blues? Hang on in there is only two days to go until the weekend, wooo :)

So yesterday was my birthday, and I was 19. It is a shit age, you can basically do the same thing that you did when you was 18, expect this time round you are less excited for it and have less money in the process. Yes, alcohol does that to you. Good times. For people who are underage and are waiting to be 18 to drink and stuff, please stop being excited coz it is a waste of time and money. You literally get smashed too much where you are hugging the toilet and throwing up your guts in the toilet, although it was a funny process and you got a lot of banter with your friends it is seriously not worth it, but although I say all this I will never ever ever ever stop having my goregous Vodka, which I will have again tonight. Yes, pub times again with my friends what more can I ask for to make me happy after suffering from PBD from yesterday.

Yesterday it was my birthday and I had a really good day. It did start off with a date from the carpetman and he got me a present of a new carpet and I only just met him, was great. So now my bedroom is finished, minus the furniture. I then decided to have a productive day by going to shops and fixing certain things of mine, starting with my laptop and then my headphones.  I then ended up in Kingston with a starbucks, delicious! I spent a few hours with my friend and chatted about a gold postbox near her house in honor of Mo Farah. Yes, the Momister lives near us, good times.

I then spent the evening with my mum and dad, which was lovely to see them for a little bit. I gave them some flowers, one with a red rose and one with a pink. They both look beautiful now. I then returned home to have three of my favourite people round to visit me, Patel, Michelle and Matt. It was lovely to see them. Michelle and Patel left and I got to spend the night with my amazing boyfriend. He brought me a caterpiller cake and sung me happy birthday on his own, was cutest thing and we had pizza, the best combination ever.

Overall it was such a perfect day and I couldn’t ask for anything more, thanks to everyone who made it special!

Happy 19th Birthday to me!  Hip hip hooray, hip hip hooray and one for luck, hip hip hooray.

moving on

In the last few months I have been preparing to move to another house and pack up memories, belongings and basically my life. The days have dragged on and some days have been a struggle, but it has come down to the last night before I have to give my keys back to the council.

I really don’t know how I feel about it, mixed of emotions. I feel happy. I feel sad. I feel angry. I feel hopeful. I feel scared. It is a weird kind of feeling, but all I know is that it is the best thing that has happened to me and my brother for a very long time.

As far as the new flat is concerned, it is quite a state. I mean to be fair, the garden is a lovely size and the bathroom and the kitchen was decorated a few weeks ago, so that was a bonus. The rest of the rooms do need a lot of work and paint. I am looking forward to seeing it transform, that is for sure. It is amazing how a few coats of paint, a few pictures and a plant can make a room look amazing. I will certainly keep you posted in the near future, featuring photos, of course.

The old house, well that is in a bigger state. There is still a few more hours work tomorrow to clear everything out and that is it. Last look round, last stair walk, last check to see if all the windows and doors are shut and then take a short walk to the front door and then closing it for the last time. Things that I took for granted I will certainly not tomorrow, will take me a while to actually leave the house for good.

I started shopping today for the new house, I started buying stuff for the kitchen. After not using my old kitchen for a good few months properly I am looking forward to cooking and cleaning and just being a woman in her castle (the kitchen). It does feel more homely with a few little features on the worktop such as cups and glasses with coloured polka dots on them, my favourite.

As another day comes to a close I am sure not to fall asleep too quickly tonight as I look upon tomorrow as a hurdle. The place where I grew up and had a lovely upbringing with my beautiful mum and fantastic dad and had serveral happy and of course unhappy times, will all be a distant memory soon enough.

I know memories can be remade and get better, but not having two certain people in your new life to make new memories really is horrible.

I really wished they were here so it could be a proper family home.

Love you <3

coco pops and milk makes a bowl full of fun

Happy Wednesday everyone.

For those who are in work or still at school (LOL) then you are half way through the week, you can do it! For the other people who are lucky to have nothing to do, you have another day of television to watch, food to eat and a bed to sleep in. Perfect.

I am currently at my friend’s house, well I say a friend but she is the bestest human in the whole world, closely followed by Zac Efron. Yesterday night and today have been the best cure for a life full of stress, believe me. It has involved a plate overfilled with curry, popadoms and naan bread, a rocky road sundae and two bowls of coco pops – what a fatty, I know. Sadly, I have a cold so most of the food I couldn’t taste one bit, but still didn’t stop me from eating it. Having Coco Pops literally took me back to the young days when my mum and dad banned it in our house coz it contained so much shit which made me a bit loopy, so when I realise that Michelle had Coco Pops I literally was so happy, my little treat.

The rest of the day looks like a lazy day in my PJs. I am currently catching up with a dose of Eastenders and failing miserably at understanding what is going on as I haven’t seen it for around a month, thank god for Virgin Media.

Hittin’ oceana for the first time in months tonight, should be a good one. The last time I was there I was passed out around a toilet and being taken to a medical room until I was better, good times. Hopefully that will not happen tonight, not promising anything though.

Hope you all have a good Wednesday, speak soon.

A biz X

it’s summer, but where is the sun?

Salut :)

Gosh it feels like it has been ages since I have sat down and wrote a few things about my life and thoughts.. but I thought this is the perfect time. I have haribo and chocolate at the ready, boyfriend is at work and I literally have free time (which hardly ever happens) so here I go..

So a few of you who read my previous blogs will realize that I am not at university at the moment as I am enjoy a long summer, well now it doesn’t seem as long as it felt like in May, which seems like just yesterday – crazy stuff. We are now in July and it feels like this year is going so quickly, although I have done so much, but at the same time so little.

Since I last blogged I have done quite a bit.. I started a new job on a boat and when I do get shifts (which is rare) I love it. You are on the boat in the sun (which is also rare atm) talking and having a laugh with people you have just met, and by the end of the journey you are calling them your friend. It is literally the best job in the world, and your colleagues are so funny and mad that you literally feel like 12 again. So it is sad that I haven’t worked there for a good few weeks now, so fingers crossed I will get a shift or two soon..

Getting over that little hiccup I have literally been enjoying free time without studying or getting up early for university, actually anything for that matter. Sometimes Matt tries to get me up super early so we can have a productive day, but that usually starts at like 12 for me after all the flaffing around. He doesn’t like. I have also been spending spending spending on lovely food like Nandos and Tangfastics (72p per bag at Sainsburys, so get down there) and lovely drink such as Vodka, Vodka and occasionally some Orange Juice, Tropicana of course.  I have also survived a week of drinking smoking and staying up till god knows what hour in the beautiful island of Zante, if you are young, like drinking and having fun, don’t mind staying in a shithole and wanna get laid then that is the place to be. AND DON’T WORRY, I was faithful, matter of fact all the people I went with were good as well… expect for a few (only joking, love you).

After a hectic few weeks of preparation, going to Zante, coming back from Zante and recovering for days and days I am finally have my Mojo back and starting to sort out and look forward to the rest of my summer. I have a job to find, a new house to move into, seaside trips away and my birthday all to organise – so I defiantly will not be bored and all on a really really tight budget so I dunno how I am going to get round that one. Oh almost forgot a 2nd year of University to prepare for as well, great. Yes, I forgot to tell you I did manage to pass all my modules (thank god, but not than god as I didn’t wanna go back in the first place, but thanks anyways young chap) so I have to start getting my mind ready, which will take a good few weeks so I better start soon…

All in all it has been a pretty awesome summer so far and I have no doubts the rest of it will be the same.. just as long as this weather in England improves soon. Typical Great Britain ‘ey. Welcome to our country Olympicans!!!