16 people you meet on The Tube

After having a long day the last thing you want to do is have your face in someone’s armpit or someone who will not turn their Celine Dion album down. I’m not sure if it is a blessing or just a tragedy having these people in the same carriage as you, or worse, sitting next to you.

16. The dying cat. Some random person coming on the tube with some sort of instrument, thinking that the tube is the 02 arena in disguise. Unfortunately, the crowd are more interested in their Suduko than to listen to your attempt to sing. Sit down.

15. The nice old couple. You will not meet nicer people than these. They sit next to you and smile while they hold hands and sit in silence. Sometimes, if you are lucky, they may even have a conversation with you, normally involving the weather.

14. The horrible old couple. I have come across a few of these, and of course everyone can be a bitch, but making excuses just because your old doesn’t make it O.K to be a bitch. Giving everyone evils and whining about people under your breath isn’t going to get you a seat.

13. The 9am drunk. When you are drunk everyone is your friend, but when you are sober a drunk person is NOT your friend. Downing suspicious looking drink in a black bag is not going to fool anyone.


12. Over excited tourists. Being in a different country is exciting, but when everyone on the tube is angry and tired, we don’t want really want to hear you talk about how great your time and your life is as you have just visited Big Ben.

12. The non-sharer. These people who think it is O.K to take up all of the arm-rest. Who are you? AND what the hell are you doing? Have one or the other, not both. I will fight you.

10. The clueless. These are the ones that don’t know what a tube is, better yet, don’t know where the hell they are going. Trying to make a call when you are UNDERGROUND isn’t going to work. Gotta love them

9. The sweaty man. How can you not know if your armpit is dripping with sweat. If you are sweaty and it is HOT try not to reach up and grab on to the highest rail! It is not pleasant and no-one will write to the Metro’s Rush-hour crush about you.

8. The gangsters. They find it funny to use the rails to do gymnastics in rush hour. Let me tell you, it isn’t funny. Also, we don’t want to hear N-Dubz blaring out loud.. go and update your iTunes.

7. The creep. There is always that one guy who thinks it’s fine to look at you for the whole of the HOUR journey and expect you not to get pissed off. At least hide your creepiness with sunglasses..

6. Over the top romantic couples. If you want to stick your tongue down each others throats please do it at home and not in front of MY BLOODY FACE.


5. Tube friend. This one person who understands your pain when you get pushed. You exchange eye rolling and smiles. This makes you realise they have your back 100%. So emotional when it’s time to say goodbye.

4. Choong ting. So obviously this is a rare one because most are mingerz, but having nice scenery to look at is always a bonus.

3. Make-up girl. Everyone is fascinated watching that one woman who woke up so late that she couldn’t do her make-up.

2. Person who don’t understand the meaning of PERSONAL SPACE. This person thinks they can push you just because they have been up for the past 12 hours. Go to bed.

1. Me. The only normal person who your’ll ever meet on the tube.


our generation

Hiya guys!

You know when you witness so many shocking and annoying things all at the same time it does get to you doesn’t it? And it does make you realise how stupid and how careless some people are in this world that we have to share (unfortunately.) This afternoon was just one of them days really.. everything started normal; got a crossiant, walked to the station, got a free Natural Valley Bar (not normal) etc, etc and then that all changed as I stepped on the 14.37 South West Train to Hounslow.

The journey was going smoothly at first I had a good read of the metro I finished my croissant and starred outside the window as I saw the sun trying to peep through the grey clouds above me. I did get a little annoyed that there was some group talking so loudly about things that I couldn’t give a shit about, like rugby and how one of their brother’s girlfriend’s mum was a milf (enough said) and some woman sitting opposite me listening to Call My Name on repeat about 3 times.. not amused.

I then got to Kew Gardens which is around 10 minutes from Hounslow, so I knew I was nearly home. This man came on the train with a bike in a full fluorescent outfit all covered in some coal or dirt or some other disgusting and smelly substance. He sat to the left of me, which was unfortunate for me for the events which was about to follow. I knew there was something not quite right about him as soon as the doors opened and I saw him. I’m not whether it was the way he slammed his bike on the floor, the way he kept going in and out of the toilet every minute or just the way he kept shaking his head and saying ‘no’ to himself, I just don’t know.. but I reckon all three contributed to that opinion. He then got a Metro newspaper and started reading it, it did not last long as he didn’t even manage to open it without ripping the front cover off as he got frustrated that he couldn’t open it and then started ripping all the other pages and throwing them on the floor. I found it hilarious, but of course I didn’t wanna getted ripped-up myself so I decided to bury my head in my own Metro paper and be distracted by the horrible news that the weather is not improving for today. As I got distracted the man moved towards the toilet door to sit down, I think he got fed up of the Polish woman in front of him talking in her language on the phone, in all respect she was really loud, it was annoying, but I don’t think slamming his head and his hands on the window made things better as she continuted speaking loudly until she got off the train at Isleworth.

One more stop away and I was free from this train which was beginning to turn into a mental hospital.. Everyone who got off in Hounslow was respectful and kind to let the man off the train first, to avoid being brought back to his torture cell. And that was it, he walked off with his bestfriend, the bike, and we all were relived we could live an extra day. Success. But guess what? My rant does not end there, oh no way.

Dreading the next stage : the bus journey. It was like half 3 so obviously there will be loads and loads of kids on the bus talking about Mooshi Monsters and Justin Bieber, my perfect afternoon. I decided to standup just in case I am trapped by little kids as they talk about their love for Justin Bieber (EW). This girl was standing by the doors with the most ridiculous piercings ever, she had the Madonna and her lower lip pierced.. and I ask myself WHY WHY OH FUCKING WHY? Get one of the fucking other.. stupid people! It isn’t cool and it don’t make me like you more. The worst doesn’t stop there either! I would say she was around 14, oldest 15 and she was pregnant. Okay, to be clear I think that is wrong for someone that age to get pregnant. It is illegal and it isn’t sensible, but I know a lot of people get slack for this and do prove everyone wrong and I respect that, but still it shouldn’t of happened. I did kinda judge her from when she shouted out to a bus full of people ‘im pregnant’.. not being rude love,  but no-one really cares. The thing which made me vexxing inside  the most was when she said in a chavvy voice “basically the thing that i am well not looking forward to is my waterbreaking in school, I mean imagine that. People are gonna think I pissed myself” -starts laughing-. I’m thinking if you listened in school and that then maybe you should have learnt how to fucking use CONTRACEPTION, not that fucking hard. Secondly just shows how she is not ready for a child by her attitude.

Case dismissed.