16 people you meet on The Tube

After having a long day the last thing you want to do is have your face in someone’s armpit or someone who will not turn their Celine Dion album down. I’m not sure if it is a blessing or just a tragedy having these people in the same carriage as you, or worse, sitting next to you.

16. The dying cat. Some random person coming on the tube with some sort of instrument, thinking that the tube is the 02 arena in disguise. Unfortunately, the crowd are more interested in their Suduko than to listen to your attempt to sing. Sit down.

15. The nice old couple. You will not meet nicer people than these. They sit next to you and smile while they hold hands and sit in silence. Sometimes, if you are lucky, they may even have a conversation with you, normally involving the weather.

14. The horrible old couple. I have come across a few of these, and of course everyone can be a bitch, but making excuses just because your old doesn’t make it O.K to be a bitch. Giving everyone evils and whining about people under your breath isn’t going to get you a seat.

13. The 9am drunk. When you are drunk everyone is your friend, but when you are sober a drunk person is NOT your friend. Downing suspicious looking drink in a black bag is not going to fool anyone.

tube-drunk

12. Over excited tourists. Being in a different country is exciting, but when everyone on the tube is angry and tired, we don’t want really want to hear you talk about how great your time and your life is as you have just visited Big Ben.

12. The non-sharer. These people who think it is O.K to take up all of the arm-rest. Who are you? AND what the hell are you doing? Have one or the other, not both. I will fight you.

10. The clueless. These are the ones that don’t know what a tube is, better yet, don’t know where the hell they are going. Trying to make a call when you are UNDERGROUND isn’t going to work. Gotta love them

9. The sweaty man. How can you not know if your armpit is dripping with sweat. If you are sweaty and it is HOT try not to reach up and grab on to the highest rail! It is not pleasant and no-one will write to the Metro’s Rush-hour crush about you.

8. The gangsters. They find it funny to use the rails to do gymnastics in rush hour. Let me tell you, it isn’t funny. Also, we don’t want to hear N-Dubz blaring out loud.. go and update your iTunes.

7. The creep. There is always that one guy who thinks it’s fine to look at you for the whole of the HOUR journey and expect you not to get pissed off. At least hide your creepiness with sunglasses..

6. Over the top romantic couples. If you want to stick your tongue down each others throats please do it at home and not in front of MY BLOODY FACE.

grosssss

5. Tube friend. This one person who understands your pain when you get pushed. You exchange eye rolling and smiles. This makes you realise they have your back 100%. So emotional when it’s time to say goodbye.

4. Choong ting. So obviously this is a rare one because most are mingerz, but having nice scenery to look at is always a bonus.

3. Make-up girl. Everyone is fascinated watching that one woman who woke up so late that she couldn’t do her make-up.

2. Person who don’t understand the meaning of PERSONAL SPACE. This person thinks they can push you just because they have been up for the past 12 hours. Go to bed.

1. Me. The only normal person who your’ll ever meet on the tube.

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How to avoid people sitting next to you on a bus

When you get on a bus it is nice to get two seats for yourself just to relax and ‘enjoy’ the views and the journey. The last thing you want when you have had a shitty day is for some person to sit next to you, even worse, if they are drunk, smell or take up most of the seat, so you are pushed against the window. So baring this in mind and from my personal experience, I have put into practice some things that make people not sit next to me.

1) The bag trick

I know most people will not have a bag on them, which I get, even just an arm or a hand will do.. Just put your bag on the seat next to you and when people do see it, chances are they can’t be bothered to tell you to ‘move your bag.’ This doesn’t work always, as sometimes people just attempt to take a seat when your bag is there without saying anything, because obviously they can’t see my big bag next to me. Idiots.

2) Block out the world with headphones

Chances are you will listen to music on transport, I mean you kinda need something to block out the school children shouting like crazy on the bus or some gangster at the back of the bus playing ‘Bedrock.’ Even if you have no music or your phone has died, still put them in anyway. I mean no-one wants to do weird hand signals to get your attention to move up a seat for them. Only weird or drunk people do this anyways, which are normally found on night buses..

3) Pretend your asleep

I know it isn’t the most flattering look, but sometimes pretending your asleep will make people walk past, especially if you are dribbling, and also they don’t want to wake you from your dreams about ponies and puppies (aww.) If they do, then just casually rest your head on their shoulder and I’m sure they will be put off by you and move seats.

4) Catch a cold

For me, when people sneeze or cough next to me on a bus I feel like I’m dying straight away and their germs are invading my body. I know it will not be good in the long run, but just catch a cold, so when you are on a bus you can start sneezing and coughing and you get the space you need. flu

 

5) Eye contact

As soon as someone comes near you try and give them a look, could be anything, but something which will make them think they are a freak. Maybe a twitch or a wink would do.

Of course if someone is pregnant, old or a choongting then obviously the above doesn’t matter.

Things that annoy me.

Just thought to pass the time I will share you some things in this world which makes me want to stab my eyes out with a pen… (just to let you know, I have already lost one during my life..) JK.

Anyways, lets get on with the list..

  1. The cold. In particular the wind. I hate being cold. My house is cold enough without me having to go outside in the blizzard and freezing my NUT off. Literally hate it. Especially when you have done your hair and it is all f*cked up as soon as you step out for 2 seconds. OMG. #fml
  2. Fangirls. In particular Bielebers, or however you motherf*ckin’ spell it. I don’t care. I hate them. They go on about the same thing over and over again; ‘how amazing they are’ ‘how gorgeous they are’ when they aren’t and they keep going on and you just want them to go away. IDIOT. Just stop. All of you go in a room and never come out.
  3. Leading on from that point… JUSTIN BIEBER. I am not going into it, because EVERYONE knows why he is an idiot already.
  4. Awkward people. When you meet someone for the first time in particular and thy are so awkward that they just sit there and say nothing and when you try and talk about something they literally give one liners. GET A GRIP AND EXPLORE PEOPLE.
  5. Requests from FARMVILLE and all these other games on Facebook. Look people if I wanted to play these games I would have already, besides I have a life so shh.
  6. 12 year olds these days. OMG. Do I have to even explain these. They think they are cool because they have their BBM and their Nike Airforces, but can’t put a sentence together. Aww what a shame. F*ck off now.
  7. Oyster cards. I don’t get them. They are blue and is a bus pass. Why do they call it that? Besides I have lost around 20 cards in the past and also the cost is annoying – £1.40!!!!!
  8. Telephone boxes. They always nick my money, and it is not a joke anymore. I hope you get extinct.
  9. Spots. They always come out when I have somewhere to go, but as soon as I have a bed day or a day off, I can see nothing!! All clear.
  10. The word ass and crack. I do not like them words they really make me cringe, especially when used together. EW.
  11. Cats. They stare at you when you walk past, well at me anyways, coz I think they know that I hate them. Sorry cat lovers, it is a NO from me.
  12. Over religious people who talk about God, church and all the rest of it. Look, I do not believe in anything and that is my choice. I respect your views, but don’t talk to me about it.  I am not going to convert.
  13. Toaster burning my toast. Especially when I have to get somewhere quickly. I am not happy.
  14. Bus drivers driving away as soon as you get to the door. Enough said – too many embarrassing stories to tell.
  15. Rugby on at Twickenham. I literally live down the road, and when there is a match it is too busy and I hate it. The people are twats. Transport is slow – just for this stupid sport. Go away.
  16. Couples who feel the need to tell the whole world that they are together. Look we know you are going out and we know you are in love with each other and been going out for the past 3 months, 2 weeks, 1 day and 7 and a half hours. WE DON’T CARE. Don’t you get it. Stop posting photos of you and your partner kissing or half naked in bed. ITS DISGUSTING. Just be normal… gosh.
  17. Swallowing my tongue ball. Whoever has their tongue pierced will understand. Especially when you have no bar with you. So annoying. Feels weird when it is not in.
  18. Having your keys at the bottom of the bag. You put them somewhere safe in your bag, but they are always on the bottom. That is so annoying.
  19. Elderly people thinking they are bossmans when they get on public transport. DO NOT GET ME WRONG, we should all respect elderly people, but sometimes they do not respect us and think it’s okay to force themselves on our seats.
  20. People eating horrible stinky food on transport. Yeah, this is horrible. Makes me feel sick andI do not like it.. (Most of my hates does surround transport.. I have just realised)
  21. Having only one more video you can watch on porn sites. So annoying when you need to bash one out.
  22. Not turning your alarm off and it goes on when you can sleep in. Has happened all the time, my advice is to MAKE SURE YOU TURN IT OFF. Also it annoys me when the alarm goes off when it has to as well.
  23. Last orders. You are getting into the night and the bell rings, why do they want to spoil our night! It is not fair, we want to come and party and bull. Let us.
  24. Rising prices in Mcdonalds. This goes to the Happy Meal in particular. Literally was £1.99 now they are nearly £2.50 not happy. The portion sizes are still the same and besides the toys are not getting better.
  25. Chipped nail varnish. It is annoying when your nail varnish goes crap. It is horrible. You have to paint them again and that is hassle.
  26. Having a left hand. I mean I do not use it a lot, only for  certain things, but it always gets in my way when I am sleeping and I lay on it.
  27. Being tired when you are not in your bed. I just want my bed, nothing else. Windows, benches and sits are not places where I can be comfortable and fall asleep.
  28. People having a bigger portion of food than you. When you go out and you order the same thing, but the other people get more food. It is not fair. Especially in Nandos, normally I just nick their food. Its good.
  29. Only iTunes can be used with Apple products. This just is frustrating if I have paid for the music then just let me download it on anything I want.
  30. Growing old. Decided to end it on something which I wish never happened. Miss all the things I did when I was younger, and just not having to do anything.

Well that was fun, feel less stressed now!

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Firstly, I must say I am terribly sorry about my long absence – had too much to sort out (and I have still not sorted everything out).

**NEWSFLASH**

I have broken my ankle, when I say broken I am not in a wheelchair, but I have to have these stupid sticks to hold you up (so you don’t put weight on your feet) called crutches and they make you have blisters on your hands, it is horrible. The story that goes with it is more entertaining though.

It all started on Halloween. Everything was good, I was a cat (MIAOW) and I was ready to go on the prowl. Being a cat I did not use my tiny brain, so when I stepped of the train I literally fell of the train. I was like a plank of wood when it falls, was not good. I feel literally through a group of people – so I know how to make a big entrance #win. I struggled to my feet, laughing it off, when really my ankle was FUCKING HURTING, I then staggered to a poster of the train map and hanged on to the top of it for around 5 minutes. Then I was ready to go out so I met the rest of the gang and got on the train. When I sat down that is when I really felt the pain, so therefore I could not go out as a cat. So no, EVERYONE DOES NOT WANT TO BE A CAT. Luckily for me some guy tagged along with us, lucky me, not so lucky for the girls who had to stick with him, and he brought my ticket. Wiphee. I then hopped home and ever since I have been house-ridden, and I can’t go anywhere. I can, but it will require me hopping along and struggling. For example a journey which would normally take around 15 minutes to walk, would take an hour. This is a real life example, which was proven the other day.

 

 

our generation

Hiya guys!

You know when you witness so many shocking and annoying things all at the same time it does get to you doesn’t it? And it does make you realise how stupid and how careless some people are in this world that we have to share (unfortunately.) This afternoon was just one of them days really.. everything started normal; got a crossiant, walked to the station, got a free Natural Valley Bar (not normal) etc, etc and then that all changed as I stepped on the 14.37 South West Train to Hounslow.

The journey was going smoothly at first I had a good read of the metro I finished my croissant and starred outside the window as I saw the sun trying to peep through the grey clouds above me. I did get a little annoyed that there was some group talking so loudly about things that I couldn’t give a shit about, like rugby and how one of their brother’s girlfriend’s mum was a milf (enough said) and some woman sitting opposite me listening to Call My Name on repeat about 3 times.. not amused.

I then got to Kew Gardens which is around 10 minutes from Hounslow, so I knew I was nearly home. This man came on the train with a bike in a full fluorescent outfit all covered in some coal or dirt or some other disgusting and smelly substance. He sat to the left of me, which was unfortunate for me for the events which was about to follow. I knew there was something not quite right about him as soon as the doors opened and I saw him. I’m not whether it was the way he slammed his bike on the floor, the way he kept going in and out of the toilet every minute or just the way he kept shaking his head and saying ‘no’ to himself, I just don’t know.. but I reckon all three contributed to that opinion. He then got a Metro newspaper and started reading it, it did not last long as he didn’t even manage to open it without ripping the front cover off as he got frustrated that he couldn’t open it and then started ripping all the other pages and throwing them on the floor. I found it hilarious, but of course I didn’t wanna getted ripped-up myself so I decided to bury my head in my own Metro paper and be distracted by the horrible news that the weather is not improving for today. As I got distracted the man moved towards the toilet door to sit down, I think he got fed up of the Polish woman in front of him talking in her language on the phone, in all respect she was really loud, it was annoying, but I don’t think slamming his head and his hands on the window made things better as she continuted speaking loudly until she got off the train at Isleworth.

One more stop away and I was free from this train which was beginning to turn into a mental hospital.. Everyone who got off in Hounslow was respectful and kind to let the man off the train first, to avoid being brought back to his torture cell. And that was it, he walked off with his bestfriend, the bike, and we all were relived we could live an extra day. Success. But guess what? My rant does not end there, oh no way.

Dreading the next stage : the bus journey. It was like half 3 so obviously there will be loads and loads of kids on the bus talking about Mooshi Monsters and Justin Bieber, my perfect afternoon. I decided to standup just in case I am trapped by little kids as they talk about their love for Justin Bieber (EW). This girl was standing by the doors with the most ridiculous piercings ever, she had the Madonna and her lower lip pierced.. and I ask myself WHY WHY OH FUCKING WHY? Get one of the fucking other.. stupid people! It isn’t cool and it don’t make me like you more. The worst doesn’t stop there either! I would say she was around 14, oldest 15 and she was pregnant. Okay, to be clear I think that is wrong for someone that age to get pregnant. It is illegal and it isn’t sensible, but I know a lot of people get slack for this and do prove everyone wrong and I respect that, but still it shouldn’t of happened. I did kinda judge her from when she shouted out to a bus full of people ‘im pregnant’.. not being rude love,  but no-one really cares. The thing which made me vexxing inside  the most was when she said in a chavvy voice “basically the thing that i am well not looking forward to is my waterbreaking in school, I mean imagine that. People are gonna think I pissed myself” -starts laughing-. I’m thinking if you listened in school and that then maybe you should have learnt how to fucking use CONTRACEPTION, not that fucking hard. Secondly just shows how she is not ready for a child by her attitude.

Case dismissed.

it’s summer, but where is the sun?

Salut :)

Gosh it feels like it has been ages since I have sat down and wrote a few things about my life and thoughts.. but I thought this is the perfect time. I have haribo and chocolate at the ready, boyfriend is at work and I literally have free time (which hardly ever happens) so here I go..

So a few of you who read my previous blogs will realize that I am not at university at the moment as I am enjoy a long summer, well now it doesn’t seem as long as it felt like in May, which seems like just yesterday – crazy stuff. We are now in July and it feels like this year is going so quickly, although I have done so much, but at the same time so little.

Since I last blogged I have done quite a bit.. I started a new job on a boat and when I do get shifts (which is rare) I love it. You are on the boat in the sun (which is also rare atm) talking and having a laugh with people you have just met, and by the end of the journey you are calling them your friend. It is literally the best job in the world, and your colleagues are so funny and mad that you literally feel like 12 again. So it is sad that I haven’t worked there for a good few weeks now, so fingers crossed I will get a shift or two soon..

Getting over that little hiccup I have literally been enjoying free time without studying or getting up early for university, actually anything for that matter. Sometimes Matt tries to get me up super early so we can have a productive day, but that usually starts at like 12 for me after all the flaffing around. He doesn’t like. I have also been spending spending spending on lovely food like Nandos and Tangfastics (72p per bag at Sainsburys, so get down there) and lovely drink such as Vodka, Vodka and occasionally some Orange Juice, Tropicana of course.  I have also survived a week of drinking smoking and staying up till god knows what hour in the beautiful island of Zante, if you are young, like drinking and having fun, don’t mind staying in a shithole and wanna get laid then that is the place to be. AND DON’T WORRY, I was faithful, matter of fact all the people I went with were good as well… expect for a few (only joking, love you).

After a hectic few weeks of preparation, going to Zante, coming back from Zante and recovering for days and days I am finally have my Mojo back and starting to sort out and look forward to the rest of my summer. I have a job to find, a new house to move into, seaside trips away and my birthday all to organise – so I defiantly will not be bored and all on a really really tight budget so I dunno how I am going to get round that one. Oh almost forgot a 2nd year of University to prepare for as well, great. Yes, I forgot to tell you I did manage to pass all my modules (thank god, but not than god as I didn’t wanna go back in the first place, but thanks anyways young chap) so I have to start getting my mind ready, which will take a good few weeks so I better start soon…

All in all it has been a pretty awesome summer so far and I have no doubts the rest of it will be the same.. just as long as this weather in England improves soon. Typical Great Britain ‘ey. Welcome to our country Olympicans!!!

a weekend featuring a guy looking like a condom and a lot of games of scrabble

Heya guys! :D

So it has come to the end of yet another week. These days the weeks are going like a packet of tangfastics in my hand, which go very quickly of course! Anyways, so the past few days have been a blast for me, so I really hope you have all had a lovely weekend as well, even if the weather hasn’t been at it’s best – but c’mon we are in Britain, so what do you expect!

I am currently sitting here on a South West Train.. first time I have been on my laptop on transport.. it isn’t really needed and it is a nuisance so I understand why people don’t do this a lot.. more time to focus on this blog though, so its all good in da hood! 8]

So Friday consisted of going to Uni for like 4 hours to complete my last uni assignment, which tbh I didn’t have a clue what to do for it and I had only the weekend to do it in. So it was me and my other friend, Abby, against this 1000 word essay. We could do it. After a hot chocolate, Facebook viewing and loads of music I started reading and typing. Hours past and honestly it felt like minutes, and at around 6ish I had got to 1000 words and Abby was at the target as well. So it was all good. Even if my essay didn’t make sense and was total bullshit, I honestly didn’t care as long as it said 1000 words at the bottom of my screen. Oh happy days.

I then rushed home to get ready to go out for a meal and a drink with two childhood friends, Michelle and Juilette. It is weird that we are still friends after like 15 years of so, well it ain’t weird coz I love them to death so why wouldn’t I wanna stay in contact with them. They are amazing. Anyways, so I only had an hour to get ready, and bear in mind.. I AM A GIRL.. so it normally takes like hours and hours to get ready. So I obviously had a battle ahead. I decided to have a bath first, which normally makes things to follow a whole lot easier and it did, even though I half did my hair and did fail attemps with my hair, I finally was ready, even if one of our friends was waiting in the rain for like half an hour, aw bless her.

We did eventually get there after a car and then a bus journey and we were all reunited, was a lovely sight! We got to Wagamamas. So loooooooovely, now been there twice in a week, oh well it is really really good food. If you haven’t been there, then you really need to go. It beats all the KFC and Mcdonald’s shit anyday! So after that we then hit the pub for predrinks before we went to Vodka Revs.

Vodka Revs is a whole new world, if you are looking for a proper club club atmosphere and people, then don’t go there. It is a bar, with good music, but really expensive drinks and oldER people.. it is funny though. We just sat to the side watching these like 40 year old woman grind and literally dry hump the floor. There was this one woman who was literally bending over in front of these boys whilst they were taking pictures, talking about real life porn!!! Was so shoooooooooocked. She did look like she having a night off from the brothel though.. glad she was happy. This is what it looked like:

Although we loved seeing all these woman having dance sex and playing tonsil tennis with all these guys, bedtime it was and plus our feet were hurting. Lucky me I came prepared and brough flats yes.

The journey home consisted of chocolate, food, a kebab shop with seats which you could raise higher or lower (like an office chair), a man who looked like a condom because his hat was literally just on top of his head – I ask myself WHY?!?! and a big bed waiting for me and Michelle. Before we knew it we was ZzZzZzZzZ…

Saturday : Champions League Final day!!!!!!

Been waiting for this day for weeks and it finally came, it was Bayern Munich vs Chelsea (My team.) Although I had work, I really wasn’t bothered.. I was getting money to go down the pub after to watch the game!!! At work there was a Wedding function and it was so lovely to see everyone happy and enjoying the party.. and for once it was lovely working with another girl, who was a laugh btw!! Rating everyone by their outfits and that, like for the example the bride was little blinged out!! Would get more for scrap metal than anything else, she did look beautiful though :)

Home time came. Got my wages and off to the pub I went.. got there just in time, was great! AND, I got a drink before all the rush came in, even more great. I had to watch the first half on my own, coz everyone bailed out on me and I had to wait for Matt.. Second half started and he just made it and for then the game started to get good, he obviously is a good luck charm! B.M scored in the 80th something minute and I was literally like ‘FUCKK’ we lost… but THEN, THEN.. that amazing Drogba comes in from a corner and BAMMM!!! 1 -1, it is on now!!!!! I literally couldn’t breath, I knocked over my seat and literally strangled Matt to death I was so happy!!!!!

After that I had so much aderaline that I was literally shaking with nervous, full time was called and then extra time commenced. For 30 minutes there was some near misses, but it ended up nil – nil.. so it was PENALTIES!!! Makes any football 100% more better, and there is no better way to have them in a final!!

So I couldn’t look after a while, with my head in my hands… B.M scored there first three and we missed our first two.. so I was like shit, we are screwed.. we then were neck and neck at the end 3 – 3, then Drogba man of the match came up… and BAMMMM he scored again!!!! WAS SO FUCKING HAPPY IT WAS UNREAL. Was crying updating my Facebook status every 5 minutes, oh it was a great feeling. So Chelsea, European Champions 2012. I feel proud.

So Saturday soon turned into Sunday… a day of just rest and bed times.. I had to go into University to finish my last assignment!! Couldn’t wait! Got to University at the latest time ever at around 6ish and then I started my essay!!! Literally was there until around half 8 and I was done done done!!!!! I had to let my trusted friend hand it in for me coz they lock the stupid room where you have to submit it… so stupid, and they say it is for ‘security reasons.’ What you mean? You think people are going to rob a sack of essays.. yeah coz I forgot how expensive they can get on Ebay -.- ! That’s my Uni for you everyone, totally crap.

Feeling on a high, higher than ever before, I got a Hot Chocolate and a Mcdonald’s.. (happy meal of course) and had my binge.. felt so good knowing that I have months and months just to do nothing and earn some cash!! Woooo!! Made it even better that I would be going straight to Matt’s to share my excitement!!!!!!!

So woo I am offically free for the great summer 2012!!!! Anyone who wants to hire me, I am free ANYTIME :) I am lovely, kind and just perfect!! Let m  know ;) !

Now, time to start wasting days sitting in front of my laptop screen browsing for clothes for Zante and the lovely summer!

Have a lovely week guys,

A bientot, Biz X

Dear Vodka and Oceana

Hello everyone, hope you had a lovely day whatever you did!

Literally hasn’t stopped raining today in the UK, which is so annoying you just get drenched and you smell like pond, it really is not nice. They say we are in drought, but now everything is swimming in water. Sort it out.

I am sitting here right now very hungover from the night before struggling to eat, drink and even stay alive without feeling like death.. I have gone hours without being sick so I guess I am getting better.

All started last night with a few beers at my house and a few shots and then it was time to leave, got on a bus and met some guys who wanted us to get them in Oceana coz they were old, let’s be honest. We got them in and they brought us drinks to say thankyou, result. We had ‘champagne’ but it was more like piss and it smelt as bad as I did this morning. I don’t really remember much from there really, just know I spent about an hour talking to a Nigerian woman who sells things in the toilet and gave me a free lollipop, highlight. I also had about 10 drinks as it was dirt cheap last night obvs going to take advantage of that. Lost my friend and the boys we were with. Ended up in a toilet passing out at around half 12, a good record for me.

Got busted by some lesbian bouncers who took me to a medical room which is the hotspot of the club. Stayed in there for about an hour just being sick and a totally mess. Finally sobered up after shouting and abusing the staff and anyone who would text or call me, which weren’t many, I don’t blame them. To make things extra worse my battery was dead on my phone so it made everything 100 times more difficult. I did eventually bop on a bus with a good old high-vis jacket so everyone knew what a total mess I was, good times. Got on the stupid N87 for hopefully the last time and just feel asleep at the back of the bus until some guy woke me up as he was obviously was shocked by the state I was in so gave me his hoody and his gloves, don’t remember his name so I am going to call him Mohammed, I said my name was Casey and gave him a fake phone number coz I am bare hard which was something like 077788812345. Sorry if that is your number, but Mo is a really lovely guy he may even give you his hoody and gloves if you are lucky.

This is him:

After falling asleep and trying to stay alive for about an hour I finally got into central. The last stop came and I should of realised it was my cue to get off the bus as it was there for about 20 minutes, but I didn’t. I did ask him to drive me to Waterloo, but sadly he didn’t. It was raining again and I got soaking wet, but luckily Matt got me some tracksuits and a hoody so I was well happy. Was soaked by the time I got to his, I think it was around 4ish.. wasn’t really in the state to check the time. Had a little chat, really had a little shout with his sister and that before stomping up the stairs to go to bed.

Woke up in the morning feeling like death with makeup down my face, my hair covered in sick and all the rest of it and my stomach and head pounding constantly. I wanted to throw up every second and every breath was just an effort. I think I was still a little drunk in the morning coz I was laughing at nothing and stumbling everywhere..crazy girl. I managed to stay okay and be good for the rest of the day. Weakest Link, Countdown and Deal or No Deal was my hangover cure and a bit of toast.

Dunno how I managed to get from Matt’s to mine, but I eventually did. Was pissing down with rain YET FUCKING AGAIN and I was not really happy, plus it took double of my Oyster card coz it was peak times. I was looking quite normal for Hounslow, I would say a cross between a Chav and a Prostitute. I was wearing an adidas hoody and matching tracksuit bottoms (very co-ordinated) with pink shoes which clearly did not go with it. I looked like I just got the clothes out of a lost property box, no offence Matt.I did look like death and I swear I made a little kid cry… but oh well, that is normal for me.

Started to feel better as the minutes went past. Had some lovely fish and chip shop’s chips and some chocolate and coke (so healthly) and a dose of Only Fools and Horses coz my television is not working because I was not set for Digital.. gr8. On a plus I do smell like passionfruit and freshness instead of puke, vodka and pond water after bathing myself in blech and all the bath stuff I could find. Happy me.

Oh and another thing, Vodka and Oceana. I don’t like you anymore. Our relationship has been on and off over the past few months, but this is the last straw. I have had enough of you treating me like this when I have respected you and been lovely to you from day one. You better think about your actions before you get back to me you pricks. Its not you, it is me, but it is more you. I think we should spilt up, I am sorry, look after yourself.

For now I am going to go to bed as I am knackered and hopefully I will be feeling better tomorrow,

Sweet dreams everyone,

A bientot X

Like a virgin, touched for the very first time

Salut everyone :)

I hope you have had an amazing weekend, because I certainly have. I literally mean that, from Friday till Monday was literally the best 4 days of the year so far.

Weekend started on Friday. For a long time in ages I decided to stay in with family and watch tv and make random videos and take photos with my niece and cousins. They really bring out the child in me.

So I decided to stay there the night which was lovely, took me back to old times at their house. It was awesome! I felt really old though that I went to bed before a 9 year old and a 12 year old. O.A.P. I had my 12 hours sleep 8) and then I had to leave early to sort myself out and meet my Matt. Nothing really exciting happened until I met him at the station, some chinese lady asked me for help using the oyster machines, took about 30 minutes for her to understand me and then she didn’t even use the machine. So many people got annoyed with her. Obviously took a trip to Hounslow highstreet, was bliss. Bopped into JDsports for my chavvy needs to fit into the area.

Went back to mine to start getting ready for St Patricks Day / Gina’s birthday, was really lovely. Gina came round along with Luke (Prince ;]). We had a crisis with the champagne coz we thought it was going to go EVERYWHERE if we opened it fast. We had Gina’s dad on the phone laughing at us coz we took the champagne outside to open it. When we finally opened it, it didn’t do anything. All that nerves and excitement for nothing. Luke arrived and he started dancing like he always does, one man show and all. Bringing Oceana to my bedroom, didn’t wanna leave.

Another crisis happened Gina left her bag with her passport, money and oyster at home. So her mum had to come and drop it off, but there was rugby, so it took her ages. Aw bless. She was happy though coz Matt straightened her hair. Watching a boy straighten a girls’ hair is the most funniest thing ever, they concentrate really hard and become so quiet (best 10 minutes ever.)

Finally left, being girls we were so late. Managed to get in there and met everyone, it was lovely. Dedicated and sang songs to Gina on karaoke it was awesome. Everyone was going mad at us and throwing their underwear at us, couldn’t be helped – we were amazing. This was the crowd at the club:

Simon Cowell was there and he started crying (sorry for embarassing you Si, but it was a lovely moment.)

There was some drama and tears and screams, but the night came to an end and the dreaded journey home came around where you see drunken people shouting crap and stumbling about, some idiots that wanna hold the bus up by stamping on the top deck so the bus driver stops the bus every five minutes to try and sort the trouble out. Yeah, that has all happened to me – good times. I decided to get the longest bus journey ever, n87.

Don’t ever get this bus, it is horrible. Also, when you are basically naked and it is like minus 50000 out there it really isn’t good, silly girl. After like an hour I finally got back to Waterloo looking like something out of the exorcist. Finally got back to Matt’s. I felt bad coz it was like 5ish and they have never met me before, GREAT FIRST IMPRESSIONS THERE. They were really O.K about it though, especially his brother. Matt woke him up and it was like he wasn’t asleep at all. He was having a little conversation with him. He didn’t  even get annoyed. If that was me I literally would have punched him in the face and wouldn’t talk to him for weeks. Couldn’t wait to go to bed, but wasn’t really great. A single bed is called that for a reason. It is for one person, not two. So it literally wasn’t the best night sleep, but I managed to drift of.

Me and ma hoez in bed, Shiniqua, Marlene and Candice.

Woke up to sunny sun, it was lovely. Stayed in bed most of the day as it was Mother’s day and I didn’t wanna intrude or whatever. One by one I met all the family and soon I was downstairs like jammin and ting. Loved every little moment. Stayed in all day whilst watching television and sleeping, what more could I ask for. I broke my lent again for the 4th time but tbh I am going to end lent 4 days late now, don’t regret it. It was so yummy, the pizza slice was the size of my head, didn’t stop me eating it though.

Another day went and I decided to stay another night, how could I not. I have had the best day ever for the longest time with the nicest people :). The morning came so round so fast once again. Didn’t get up till 3, result. Got my biyatch to make me some toast whilst I just sat on the sofa and did nothing, THIS IS HOW IT SHOULD BE GUYS!  Stayed in all day and watched Vicar of Dibley and Countdown, wooohoo, what a weird mix.

Had the buffest dinner ever as well, homecooked food is actually the one. Shame I can’t cook, end up burning the pan and making my house so smokey I can’t see a thing. Watched Corrie and Univeristy Challenge which made me feel so clever knowing no answers AT ALL, the people on there are from some next planet though… proper weird. Well done Manchester anyways, watch out KINGSTON UNIVERSITY will be on there soon to steal the trophy of you.

Had to leave even though I didn’t wanna coz Lucky was on her own and I needed to do work for uni, which I haven’t started yet. I looked like a proper chav though. I had like some trackies on and some polo shirt, it was pink though so I looked a bit like a girl. No-one would mess with me, BADMANZ. It was warm though so that was the main thing. I got to the station and got the train, which I seriously could have got off as soon as I got on. So weird leaving someone when you have been with them constantly for a while.. but it was okay though coz I had the Metro and Evening Standard to keep my mind of things.

I got to Hounslow, which made me smile knowing that I live here and I am nearly home. I got the last bus of the day and got back to my house. I had to search for the keys that my brother left for me, but I couldn’t find them. I put my hand in this bucket thing and my hand was like covered in some dirt-water-crap mixture and it smelt like my dog has just swam in pond water, felt disgusting. Found the keys and finally got in. Was a good feeling especially after I had my marmite and toast and orange juice. Happy me. Got into bed, my double bed, which always will win my heart and always will make me wanna come back. Definitely didn’t need any help getting to sleep.

Another Tuesday, another beautiful day in Hounslow. I need to do a lot of work today, but I seriously cannot be bothered. May have to force myself to go to the library later so I can actually get on with some stuff.

Sorry for the longest blog ever, nearly 1,300 words. Wish it was this easy to write an essay.

Have a good Tuesday,

Au revoir! :)

111 to masturbation central

Bonjour, ca va? (Hello, howa you?)

I hope you are all good and got this Friday feeling. If you don’t feel all that happy just get some vodka and some friends and turn your mood around.

Over the past few days I have been quite busy, so that’s why I didn’t post yesterday. Sorry about that, but I am here now for you all :)

Wednesday I went to the pub which is always good and then after it got even better when a certain someone came back with me and it was the perfect thing ever, I’ll leave it there. Then Thursday I didn’t go to University, stupid I know, but I bet you wouldn’t either if you were in the same situation as me, believe me! ;) So Thursday was just bed day ft. Nandos. Was so yummy but my mouth was burning out for the second time this week, never learn..

Spending time with my bestfriend are amongst my favourite moments ever. She was a bit lightheaded from the wine she was drinking. We was eying up the meals on the counter trying to figure out which one ours was… but it never was any of them. When it was our turn (after several hours it seemed) we literally couldn’t finish it fast enough. Best meal of the week by far.

Today is Friday, obviously, and that means a 4 day weekend once again for me! Loving that Kingston University, other than that I don’t like or love anything about you at all. OK! I don’t like your stupid meal prices, I don’t like your stupid necklaces and stupid hoodies with Kingston University on it. I don’t like your stupid JG building which has 5 floors, especially when I have a class on the top floor and finally I don’t like the fact you have to wait like an hour for a computer and then an another hour in the queue at the printers. OK! Oh actually, one last f*cking thing I HATE the fact you have declined me and friend’s applications to study abord in France next year. So thank-you very much for nothing.. more persuaded now more than ever to not come back next year, so thanks for runing EVERYTHING.

My message to you:

Rant over sorry guys, now here is where today got a whole lot better..

I was on the bus coming home and everything was normal, went past Hampton Court palace, was in some traffic and went past the usual bus stops. Then as I was eating a sandwich I saw from the corner of my eye that something was not right. For a while I saw a figure to my left moving his hand up and down near his crotch like a twitch, which I thought he had, so I left it for a bit. Then I had a thought and then I was like this isn’t right. So I decided to look for a spilt-second and BAM! I had to turn back to the window in shock and disbelief. This guy opposite me, who looked like a girl with the amount of hair he had on his head, was literally wanking so casually. I looked at my sandwich which had mayo in it and I felt so sick, couldn’t eat it anymore (sorry to be graphic). I think he got turned on by the couple at the back. Fair enough they were touching and like together like couples do, but it is not like the whole moterf*cking bus started whipping their clothes of and wanking, c’mon. I dunno why he did it, not like he was on the bus for ages. Like maybe 10 minutes.. can’t you control yourself. I guess that is boys for you, can’t control themselves. (JOKING, clearly..) After he got of knowing that I was the only one on the bus who probably knew I felt so weird and akward. I had to just laugh at loud for about 2 minutes, gosh, was a good moment.

Then these schoolgirls came on looking so innocent. I thought to myself “Don’t sit there, don’t sit there.” My heart went as one of them went to sit there, but then changed her mind. Thank god. Dunno what was left on that seat or what he has. YUUCK.

Now that’s over I am now looking forward to my night with all my gorgeous and lovely bruddahs and sistahs. Can’t wait! McCluskies again, unfortunately, but it is free entry and drinks are cheap. Result.

Hope you all have a good Friday,

A bientot

X